I went to the mall to visit Santa. I was a little worried about getting all the gifts that I requested from the letter I sent to Santa, so I figured I’d visit him. I know he’s been closely watching my every move and I there were a couple things I did that might have put me on the naughty list. One of the things I did was I used a coupon for a dollar off of Post Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds when it was good ONLY for the Post Honey Bunches of Oats with Figs. I know it was wrong and I really sweated it out at the register knowing the Coupon Police might arrest me for coupon fraud.

The other thing that might ding me on the Santa list is when I rubbed the Formby’s stain in a clockwise direction instead of counter-clockwise like the instructions said. But the thing that has me worried the most is when in the middle of the night I chain-sawed all the neighbors cars in half. What can I say. I was bored that day. If I did it during the day when people were awake I think I would’ve gotten off the hook.

Now I hope that Santa brings me what I want. I really hope that I get the money that the nice Nigerian people that e-mailed me and said they needed and would give me extra money back. And same with those folks from overseas that said I inherited money. I just know Santa plans to bring me all the loot they promised. I already bought a boat knowing that I would get the money.

So I went to the mall and waited in line with all the kids to see Santa. In order to impress Santa I brought him a nail clipper for a present. I mean, think about it. He delivers all these presents and nobody gives him anything but some cookies and milk. That is really bogus for him. So I shined up an old nail clipper I had for him. I hid in a dark closet and shined it up so it looked like new. I figured he wouldn’t be able to see me in a dark closet. And I think Santa can only see you if you’re bad when you are in the living room. Makes me think, I sure hope he doesn’t watch me everywhere I go. That might not be pleasant for him.

After a little hassle with mall security I sat on Santas lap. I had just enough time to get out all I wanted to say until the security guards came to get me. I’ll tell you, they fall down and stay down after you chop block them. So first I gave Santa the present. I forgot to wrap it, but he was ok with that. I could tell from how he looked at me. I gave him the rundown of what I wanted. He said I was getting heavy for him on his lap so I got on his back. I noticed Santa had a little dandruff from up there. A little Selsun Blue would help him.

From there I continued my list. Santa sure was a little cranky even though I gave him a nice shiny nail clipper. He said that if I was a good boy I would get what I want. I beamed with excitement as I ran out of the mall.


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